May 16, 2011

Drive Like God Is Watching

Filed under: religious humor — Tags: , , , — yalandarose @ 6:11 pm

My faith was tested while driving to church. No, I didn’t survive a near fatal accident or overcome sudden car trouble – I was following too closely behind a vehicle with a Christian bumper sticker.
I’ve noticed a recurring theme in the revolving lanes of traffic. The slowest drivers tend to be the ones witnessing from their late model rearends instead of their mouths.
As a defensive driving course graduate, I’m usually not an aggressive driver nor am I a Bible-bumper sticker stalker. A couple of tickets have taught me to drive the speed limit or no more than 5 miles above, but Christian drivers are usually 5 or 10 miles below.
I know a 1000 years are but a day to the Lord, but being stuck in traffic can seem like an eternity to a commuting sinner. How can I keep my thoughts pure when I want to ram my truck into Christ’s cargo?
While I’m not sure how many of these bumper-sticking motorists are actually Christian, I am certain that they fit into their own distinct psychological profile. I’ve concluded that that these drivers are selfish control freaks who think they drive just a bit better than the rest of us speed demons.
Although driving is a gray area in the Bible, it does mention clearly that Christians should respect authority. And the last time I checked my driving handbook, (okay, I don’t still own it, but I can still recall) it stated that slower drivers should move to the right. Also, depending on what interstate you’re traveling on, there are highway signs along the stretch of the left lane to remind you. I like to think of them as metallic reflections of our obedience.
If I am near enough another vehicle to learn where God’s Passenger stores his real treasure, surely the morale-having motorist can see the pain and suffering on my face (I didn’t always have A/C) as I pray that another lane opens up in front of me. I guess there are no shortcuts to heaven.
Christian drivers should consider the effectiveness of their messages if their trailing drivers are too busy cursing the pavement they hog.

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