yalandarose

February 15, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — yalandarose @ 11:13 pm

Singleness doesn’t hit you until you see flowers intended for someone else.

 

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January 17, 2012

Trampled Pearls

Filed under: Christian living, Christianity, Faith, God's Love — Tags: , , — yalandarose @ 8:59 pm

The scripture, “”Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces,” (Matthew 7:6 NASB) is advice I personally and painfully accepted.

It took me some time to discern when God Was Talking to me.  It hasn’t been as obvious as a burning bush or the Heavens opening, but I do become spiritually seasick when He Disapproves with my decisions. I get overcome with an uneasy feeling in my stomach as “unsettled as a wave of the sea,” James 1:6 NASB.

So, when I received my first marriage proposal after only a few weeks of dating, I wasn’t elated, I was well, seasick. It took one year of dating and finally living together before I finally accepted. But I still never recovered from the seasickness. Deep down, I knew I wasn’t making the right decision. However, I felt as if getting married had to better than shacking up, right?

Wrong.  I should have walked away.

Between my husband’s chronic unemployment and our constant moving to chase jobs, I was miserable. Eventually, I made him miserable, too. With the constant arguments, his infidelities, financial stress, job and residential changes, there was never any peace in our marriage. More than once, I have arrived home from work only to learn that he was fired that day, and arrive home the following week to learn that we were moving by the next. It was almost as if he thrived in chaos.

I kept telling him we needed to settle down, and after the baby was born, I began insisting we needed to settle down – all to no avail. Eventually, I was began to realize I could no longer deal with the confusion and could no longer raise our child in the midst of it either.

Lacking just one digit of the mark of the beast, we averaged six states in six years.  Subsequently, finding homes – residential and spiritual – had become something I had grown weary of. During the last year of our marriage, I was now homesick. After deciding that I was moving back to my hometown, I embarked once again on finding a lasting church home. While in Bible study, I came across the verse, “For God is not a God of disorder but of peace.” 1 Corinthians14:33 NASB.

I realized throughout all of the confusion, God had never ordained our marriage, and I no longer had one, so I walked away.

I am still devastated that I have taken the sacred vow of marriage and given it to a “dog.” After the ordeal, I was left with a trampled self-esteem and near financial ruin as supporting him tore my credit to pieces.

However, God Punishes those He Loves (Hebrews 12:6 NASB), and boy, have I learned a lesson!
But as my daughter turns another year today, I realize, everything does work for good for those who love the Lord (Romans 8:28 NASB).

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